Last night, ALAG and Autism Hub hosted an online discussion exploring a topic that many autistic adults find both important and challenging: boundaries.

We began by looking at what boundaries are. Boundaries are personal limits that help us feel safe, manage our time and energy, and communicate what behaviour is acceptable in relationships. They can take many forms—emotional, social, communication, physical, or digital. Healthy boundaries support wellbeing and help prevent overwhelm, burnout, and social exhaustion.

A key theme in the discussion was that boundaries are highly individual. What feels comfortable for one person may feel difficult or overwhelming for another.

Participants shared thoughtful reflections about how boundaries are often learned through experience. Several people described recognising a boundary only after something “felt wrong,” and then working out how to articulate and protect that limit in future. Others spoke about how identifying emotions can be difficult, particularly for those who experience alexithymia, making boundary recognition harder.

We also discussed why boundaries can be especially complex for autistic adults. Factors such as masking, people-pleasing, delayed processing, unclear social rules, and fear of rejection can all make it harder to recognise or assert limits.

The conversation explored everyday scenarios, including small talk, responding to messages, and managing social expectations. Practical strategies included using clear language, allowing time before responding, preparing scripts, and recognising that it is okay to say no.

 Participants noted that when boundaries are not maintained, feelings such as resentment, exhaustion, and frustration can develop.

Maintaining boundaries is not always easy, particularly when others test or dismiss them. While we can try set or maintain our boundaries sometimes others may not respect these boundaries. The group shared experiences of when their boundaries have been crossed, and the challenges of having boundaries respected – the onus of maintaining boundaries is not always on us. Reaching out for help and support in these situations is also an option. 

Thank you to everyone who contributed so openly to the discussion. The insights made it a thoughtful and supportive conversation.

Nick Stone, Autism Hub peer support facilitator & ALAG member, 6 May 2026